I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
