you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
