i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
