I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
