i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize