out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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