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I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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