So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
