when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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