just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
