awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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