he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
