turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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