i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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