that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
