Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
a search helicopter?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
