He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
