Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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