dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
