i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
