I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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