wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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