A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
