just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm like, not good at living.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
