You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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