wat bout pragnant strippers??
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
