I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
