I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I currently don't understand fingers.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
