They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
