he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
