Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
