What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
