i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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