She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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