im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
