Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
