I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
