did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
