im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
