im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
