he puts the penis in happiness.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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