So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
