I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
