Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
