so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
