i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
