I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
