So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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