We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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