I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
