guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
