Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize