At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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