Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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