paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
