May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
