lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
