My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
