There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
