Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
