Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
