Your mouth is God's brothel.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
