Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize