Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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