At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
